THIS HODGEPODGE OF A FINALE- southern charm 6/26

SEASON FINALE AHHHHHH!!! What a SEASON!! This finale episode was underwhelming, but at least we got a good Shep and Craig fight!! 

Shit, trouble in paradise with Naomie and Craig! She is still in her leather jacket (queen) peacing the F out of there because Craig continues to be rude and embarrassing. 

Chelsea and Austen go parasailing, and I’m ready for these two bores to get off my show. ARE THEY OR ARENT THEY?!

“Am I having a nightmare or was Whitney just massaging me?”- BOTH CAMERAN, BOTH!!

Kathryn is looking stunning in a yellow head wrap, and Elizabeth and Danni talk to her about whether or not they felt that Landon was being sincere in her change of heart towards Kathryn. We then see Landon and Cameran chatting, and Cameran comments on how nice Landon was towards Kathryn. FINALLY LANDON SEES THE LIGHT that Kathryn can’t ever see her damn kids, while he just leaves them with the nanny.

Landon giveth…
 

and Landon TAKETH AWAY!
Someone comments on Danni’s (old ass) boyfriend, and Chelsea’s dress is LITERALLY AMAZING.

Landon is on a moped in a mumu, terrorizing pedestrians and leaving tourists in her wake- legend.

Kathryn and Thomas are talking, and Thomas is glassy eyed and sweaty- yikes. Kathryn and Thomas in a way decide to mediate the shared time with their kids together, but also seems wary of this idea in his solo shot.

DANNI JUST PASSED THE F OUT- lort almighty. Seeing her limp body being wheeled out of the restaurant was horrifying- GIRL I HOPE YOU OK!!!

Shep, JD, & Landon moped to a stop, and have to go make sure sweet Danni is ok. She is texting and alive, and apparently was just extremely dehydrated- damn girl you gotta eat!! And chug a lug that water in FL!!

They are sitting down at dinner, and Thomas says “get her the fuck away from me” to Landon, to which I say, you are an old ass man! Have some class! 

Craig then presents a hand embroidered baby onesie to Cameran, and it’s SO FUCKING CUTE! Craig. What a goddamn angel.

Shep is wasted AF at 11am- standard.

Cameran has a conversation with Craig because she doesn’t like the way he speaks to her in public, which is so true! Cameran says he is the perceived asshole in the situation, and he goes on about how “horrible” she is to him. Maybe you are a loser, Craig!! Just break up if you’re gonna keep bitching about it!! Hurricane Shep comes around, shouting and sneezing on Cameran. Nothing came of this, but how enjoyable. 

PATRICIA IN A FUR COAT!!

(Ok this episode is a goddamn hodgepodge)

Thomas rattles off about how he gave Landon the “oppurtunity” to date him, and JD looks like he’s gonna projectile vomit on Thomas to which I say, same. Landon finally sees how shitty Thomas can treat women, and Landon wants no part of it. 

Kathryn and Naomie go out and talk shit on Craig, and try to figure out of the root of all their issues. At first I was super weird, but I forget they’ve always loved Kathryn, which I love. “He lied to everyone for a year  and I helped him.” Ok girl, you right you right.

Ok Bravo I understand you’re tying up loose ends here but tf is this hodgepodge episode?!

Cameran admits she doesn’t like babies, and her mom admits to the same thing, but she loved her own kids, which is probably the same experience Cameran will have.

BACK TO CRAIG & NAOMIE FIGHTING!!

Naomie is gonna be a big person and apologize, and I’m patiently waiting for Craig to blow up and not accept her apology. He looks tense as fuck, and admits he is “extremely angry.” UGH GET O V E R IT CRAIG. “I need a positive influence in my life.” Craig! Maybe some self reflection is involved as well, not just blaming Naomie for it all. But I’m also a huge Naomie fan, and she can do absolutely no wrong in my book. 

KATHRYN & T.RAV BACK AGAIN!! She is privileged to be HERSELF, not to just have Thomas’s kids, according to Thomas which is, weird? But I mean, baby steps for this ol man. They have a horrible long hug and he’s kissing her on the shoulder and I’m getting a lil nauseous, but whatever.The whole gang is at a party, I’m unsure of its reason, and Thomas talks about how Shep couldn’t fly home from Key West because he was too wasted, Naomie tells everyone that Kathryn and Thomas kissed, and Landon is like UGH OF COURSE, she’s too afraid to lose her meal ticket! Uh, someone’s looking a little jealous over there, Land.

Kathryn comes in in a full velvet tux, Patricia runs out the door, and Cameran admits to literally telling EVERYONE Thomas and Kathryn hung out and kissed. I’m so tired. 

Ok, I’m still trying to decipher why this party is being thrown. JD is moving? Then a RANDO girl who I think Shep dated once (?!) and Austen are like smooching on the cheek and Chelsea is fuming- bitch, you friend zoned THE FUCK out of him, all season, only to pop off on him on the last second. “This is the first that I’m hearing that you care-” A FUCKING MEN, AUSTEN. That’s what it took to be exclusive, Chelsea, just him making you jealous. LORDT.

Craig is back to trying to make peace and Naomie is like fuckfuckfuck can I leave?! Craig threatens to hit Shep, so that’s great. Craig is essentially not happy with Landon and Kathryn not making complete peace between the two of them, which is REALLY none of his business. It was nice when Craig instigated last season when he had hot gossip about people and was exposing them left and right, but not when he’s just trying to make friends!! THIS IS A SNOOZE CRAIGGY. Also I can’t believe he socked Shep in the leg- jesus.

“HE LOVES TO TALK AND I’M ACCEPTING IT RIGHT NOW” – Naomie, clenching her teeth, snapping a rubber band against her wrist. 

Craig is treating these girls like his own game of the Sims, and wanting them to be best friends- just get a computer game, Craig!

Thomas is hitting on Kathryn and everyone is watching. What an ending to this show!!! “UGH THEY’RE BOTH JUST BATSHIT CRAZY”- lol sorry Landon. As long as Kathryn wins, that’s all I care about. 

THAT’S IT?! Good god. Well, that was emotionally and physically draining, but that was our season finale, ladies and gents!! 

See you for the reunions! xo💕

also, SHOUTOUT TO MY GIRL MAMA ESTELLE FOR MAKING ONE LAST CAMEO YAAAAAA

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