“LOOK AT ME, CRYING INTO A CHICKEN WING”- southern charm recap 5/29

WELCOME BACK TO THE OLD CHARMER!! I had an amazing Memorial Day weekend, and spent 80% of it sipping sangria on a pool float, Lisa Vanderpump style. BUT BACK TO REALITY.

I just wanna be Lisa.

Last week, we left off with good old Shep and Craig defending Kathryn to Cameran, who is very not into the idea of reasoning with her. But as the series preview showed, there will be an amazing convo between Kathryn and Cameran at some point that I can’t WAIT for!!

We see that Craig FINALLY graduated from college- woohoo! Cameran is on speakerphone with her husband, and says she’s going to Homegoods, to which I say, SAME. She tells her husband that the psychic told her she would have three kids, and he seemed stoked about it, while Cameran looked like she wanted to die. 

“don’t drag me into your hairbrained schemes, Craig.”

Craig and Gizmo celebrate his graduation, and he FaceTimes his Mom and Dad, and by that, I mean he holds Gizmo up in front of the camera. Amazing.
Cameran and Chelsea hit up Homegoods, and I’ve never related to this show than in this moment. I also gossip with my friends about Kathryn in Homegoods. Cameran just needs to hit Kathryn up, dammit, and see how much growing up she has done, and have them all revolt against Landon, TYSM.

damn girl ya cart is loaded!

Naomie and Craig go to dinner, and he surprises her with his law school graduation, and she says “I feel like I really don’t believe you,” and chuckles, and then Craig is ready to pop off on her. He is still hung up over the fact she pushes him to be better, rather than blindly supporting anything he does.  

for fuck’s sake, craig.

Cameran and Shep chat on the phone, and she agrees to go to lunch with him and Kathryn- scandalous! But I am SO excited to see Cameran see a reasonable side of Kathryn.  Cameran has a weird soft spot in her heart for Thomas, and in her eyes, he can do no wrong. 

Here she comes! Good ol Landon! She’s on the phone with a friend talking about Thomas, and also opens up the phone call with “I’ve been working all day”- bITCH where?! On the website you don’t write articles for? 

So they go on a date, and I’m cringing the whole time. She says “good to see you” constantly, like you would on an awkward run in you have with a high school friend at TJ Maxx, before you run away to buy clearance Sam Edelman sandals. Landon is, of course, bright red and giggling  the whole time. Then, as Thomas chugs his wine, the lady at the table next to them drunkenly lectures them as to why they are soulmates, and how Thomas needs to “own it.” Excuse me, lady, you 1) are wrong and 2) owe Lisa Rinna royalties for stealing her catchphrase. (Side note: My friends and I watched over an hour of Lisa Rinna QVC programming and let me tell you, we we transfixed the whole time. 10/10 would recommend.)

her audition for “friend of” next season

YAAAAS time for the lunch I’ve been waiting all season for! Shep, Craig, and Kathryn all head to lunch and wait for Cameran. BUT NOW, we see Cameran is bringing Whitney with her for backup- GIRL, you can fend for yourself- why do you need Whitney?! The flashbacks they show of Kathryn from earlier seasons are haunting. I hope she’s really turned it around! 

After listening to Cameran speak, it feels a little bit better in the air. She seems sweet and comforting to Kathryn, and they were looking to see how she was doing. She has been through hell and back at the age of 25, which is NUTS! Craig tells the table he officially graduated, and of COURSE Shep gotta say something about it. 

So Craig and Austen are hanging out, which is a refreshing pair to see together! They basically decide Chelsea is flighty af even though Austen really likes her. OF C O U R S E who comes peep a leeping in to Chelsea’s salon but…SHEP. Ugh. Chelsea also tells Shep that she and Austen “have fun,” and doesn’t admit to going on dates with him. C’MON GIRL, have some respect for that good good boy that likes you!! Austen and Craig basically talk about how creepy Shep is, and Craig says how Shep creeped on Naomie when they first started hanging out- ok I don’t like where this story is going- why can’t Shep just NOT be a predator?!

Deidre, aka the stand in mother of Kathryn’s children, starts planning Saint’s wedding while Thomas basically just agrees with whatever she says. For a guy that has been convicted on drug charges, it’s pretty wild how much he shames Kathryn for her mistakes. Thomas invites his Dad, and he says he has a dentist appointment at 2:30 (omg) and if they pull out his tooth, he’s not coming. Yikes! T.Rav’s Daddy issues are slowly bubbling to the surface of this bourbon slushee that is T.Rav’s life (lol), and some of his decisions are starting to make sense. 

Whitney tells Thomas he had lunch with Kathryn, and suggests inviting her to Saint’s birthday party. We see The Giggler, aka Landon, on date with her hot piece. “We’re not allowed to call it Roam anymore” -hahahahaha “as it turns out, there are several other companies called Roam.” hahahhahaa!! Then Landon calls herself an Old Hen, to which I say, shit, talk about a self drag!! Landon then tells an ABSOLUTELY heart wrenching story about how no man has ever gone on a walk with her and her 12-year old dog the whole time she has had her- fuck, Landon, my heart is breaking for you! As much as Landon bugs the f out of me, I truly saw some character redemption in her tonight. What made her unlikeable to me in the past was the general prissiness and prentension, but this moment showed a sliver of true human persona, which I appreciate!! “Look at me, crying into a chicken wing!!”

Elizabeth and Kathryn go to coffee, and Kathryn tearily thinks about the fact it’s Saint’s birthday, and she’s not with her baby boy on his day. Then Elizabeth reveals that ta-daaa! She has the response from Thomas from the letter she wrote him earlier! Thomas invited her to Saint’s birthday party! I like where this is going.

Next Week: Kathryn attends Saint’s bday! Cameran breaks into Shep’s condo because he fell off the grid! Can’t wait to see what happens!! SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!

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