YAS YAS YAS! It’s that time of week again!!! SOUTHERN CHARM BABY!!!! I thought since Vanderpump Rules has ended, Southern Charm would move up to the 8 o’clock spot for my old lady ass, but this does not seem to be the case. NEVERTHELESS, I am here with my recap of this week’s episode, titled SHEPWRECKED. I love that Shep’s birthday falls during filming every year, leaving us with timeless classics like his rollerblading birthday that Landon planned (HAHA) to this year’s charter boat party. I’m a little sad Bravo didn’t use this as an opportunity to cross-promote a “Below Deck” episode, but hey, you can only do so much.
We open to Thomas talking about Landon, PER USUAL- the producers are doing a stunning job by connecting every episode to the season premiere, where we saw a flash forward to 3 months later when Landon and Thomas seem to be beginning a new official relationship, because Thomas keeps saying garbage in every episode, like “Landon is the whole package.” ay carumba.
Austen is picking up a phone call from Chelsea as he goes to pick her up for Thomas’s polo match, and we see she is saved in his phone as “DREAM GIRL,” which is honestly precious. As much Austen is set up as a player like Shep, you can really see he has a little bit more heart than Shep, or at least shows a little bit more heart. We LOVE Shep, of course, but he is very guarded, and masks his feelings with being “over it,” or annoyed, as we see at the episode’s end. Chelsea tells Austen she’s made out with Shep already, but “I still think he’s an idiot,” she says. U RITE GIRL U RITE.
Also at the polo match, we see Whitney BALKING at the mere sight of a child and/or infant around him, which was hilarious. Landon was totally Ginnifer Goodwin in “He’s Just Not That Into You,” in the scene she thinks she the co-host of Justin Long’s house party, running around and offering everyone drinks- “We got some hooch in the back!”- Craig comments on how she is fitting into the role of Mrs. Ravenel pretty well- VOM.
HERE COME THE RAVENEL BABIES! Kenzie is screaming for her Daddy as her nanny pushes her & her brother by in their double stroller, only to be met with the cold shoulder from Thomas. Craig whispers to Thomas, “Go give Kenzie a kiss she was screaming Daddy.” Thomas basically responds with “well, can’t please everyone”– YOU WORKED SO HARD TO GET THOSE KIDS AWAY FROM THEIR MOTHER, YOU BETTER FUCKING PLEASE THEM, S I R. I honestly cannot with this man. I was right there with Craig in this instance. Cameran comes to Thomas’s defense after the fact to Craig, saying he has “created a healthy. safe environment for them.” Even though that is true, they live in a separate house from either of their real parents, with basically just their nanny taking care of them. Even though those babies will have a ton of money, they need some damn parents!
Kathryn and Craig meet for lunch, and their briefly touch on the relationship between Thomas and Landon- “Landon has wanted and pursued, behind the scenes, a relationship with Thomas,” says Kathryn. I AGREE GIRL. I cannot wait for this argument to rise to the top of this season, because honestly it’s my favorite drama of this show.
The rest of the episode was Shep’s birthday!!!! It was a little boring to be honest- the most interesting thing was the exchanges between Shep and Chelsea, Shep and Cameran, and Cameran and Chelsea at Shep’s party. Austen and Chelsea have a cute conversation on the boat, and about how they want to see each other more. Cameran is still a little bummed that her major plan of getting Chelsea and Shep together is failing. Shep was in an AMAZING pair of pants, and all of his friends were in a rainbow of pastel colored button downs, including Austen. Whitney brought that psycho English girl Daisy that he also brought to Landon’s party, who was as messy as ever.
Cameron’s heart to heart with Shep included her saying “Do you wanna be a 55-year-old man and not have shoelaces?” with an immediate cut to drunk Thomas, in shoes with no shoelaces, strewn across a deck chair on the ship. Thomas continues to say awkward things, Landon continues to awkwardly respond, and I continue to vomit all over myself. I love the drama associated with these two, but it also wants me to crawl out of my skin and just let my skeleton run free to escape the awkwardness.
That’s basically it! Naomie and Cameran also had a little heart to heart about Craig not having his shit together, and Chelsea cut Shep’s hair, but both scenes were boring so it only gets a footnote here! Next week’s episode looks like Shep will finally confront Austen about stealing his girl- but I’m still dying for the Kathryn & Cameran convo that comes later this season- I. LOVE. THIS. SHOW.
see you next week XOXOXO