“WE HAVE A SEPARATE TEXT CHAIN!!”- southern charm recap 4/10

Screen Shot 2017-04-11 at 11.47.34 AMHI WELCOME BACK. This show never ceases to amaze and delight me with all of the drama and general craziness. Tonight’s episode, to sum it up, was Shep yelling at Craig, Craig hanging out with Gizmo, and Cameran trying to hook Chelsea up with Shep. And Landon being Landon. *eye roll*

“You look a little puffy…did you have a big night?”- Whitney

The two hobgoblins of Charleston, T.Rav & Whitney, meet up and unite in their creepiness!

“I think hes a good father”- Whitney again. Bravo, now was the time to juxtapose T.Rav’s kids in the guest house with their nanny with not a father in sight.

When then see Kathryn admitting she DID take and pass a drug test, so there! And Kathryn doesn’t want to see her old friend Jennifer because Thomas was basically being weird about being close with Jennifer, and in true Kathryn fashion, she hates any girl involved and not the conniving troll at the center of it all- T.RAV!

Screen Shot 2017-04-11 at 11.48.21 AM“I’m living my truth, and that truth is an empty womb”- THANKS CAMERAN, but as much as you talk about it…maybe it’s the world telling you that you want one. BUT I LOVE U GIRL LIVE YA TRUTH.

As much as Kathryn is angry at Jennifer for associating with T.Rav, her baby had BRAIN SURGERY and it’s time to put your petty grievances aside, Kathryn! Your friend needed you, and you weren’t there for her.

BACK WITH GOOD OL SHEP SHEP AT THE BATTING CAGES!

After 1.5 episodes of Shep talking shit about Craig to LITERALLY every human that exists, including Craig’s girlfriend, they are finally meeting up.

“I think I’m like, eight minutes away now”- Craig (spoiler: he shows up 26 minutes later).

Now we are here with the one, the only, LANDON! And her business partner and INTERRRRRN! Whose interns have it worse? Landon’s or Sonja Morgan’s? Which non-paid employee is doing the most pointless stuff? And of course, Landon is already wanting to get “a cut” of hotel’s revenues by people who book off of her website- girrrrrrrrrrrl reel yaself IN. (Plus I tried the whole episode to get on Landon’s website, which does not seem to exist anymore…yikes.)

Screen Shot 2017-04-11 at 11.51.16 AM(poor girl)

26 minutes later, Craig rolls up in his Porsche Cayenne. And Shep goes off on him because of all the LIES, and is freaking out about it.

“I just feel sorry for him because he’s 36 years old and goes out every night”-same Craig, same.

“Me, Cameran, & Whitney, WE HAVE A SEPARATE TEXT CHAIN!”- Shep.

Shep made it clear that there’s really nothing Craig can do to make this better between them, so it seems pretty damn petty that Shep still keeps pressing on it.

Cameran & Chelsea are at lunch- I can’t stop laughing at Chelsea saying BOWL UH PAYNUTS- I love a gorgeous southern accent, but that moment she really leaned into it & I live for it. Cameran is trying to get Shep & Chelsea together, and Chelsea seems pretty hesistant about it.

“She’s the female version of Shep except she isn’t a whore.”

UGH why does Whitney keep showing up here? They talk about how 19 year old Liza is cute (gross), and that Landon & T.Rav for sure boned.

Shep divulges Landon was being a big brat to Shep’s friends who are creating an app, and Landon said a bunch of bratty things, like “I don’t care about money because everywhere I go, everything’s paid for,” and “I don’t hang out with millionaires, I hang out with billionaires.” DANG LANDON, where did this bourgeois attitude come from? You’re the ill-colored hair, pashmina wearing, makeup-free hippie of Charleston, not a young Patricia Altschul (my queen). Honestly, I LOVE that bad things are coming out about Landon- it’s the mean girl in me, and my pet peeve is when other actual mean girls pretend they are sweet angels, like LANDON!

*bones t.rav once * *only hangs out with billionaires *

MY KWEEN NAOMIE IS HERE, and Craig expresses the hurt he feels that Shep is grouping all their other friends into not liking Craig because of his lies. I believe Whitney would happily be lumped into this, but Cameran is good at being friends with EVERYONE, so I don’t think she will be happy to hear about what Shep is saying.

Screen Shot 2017-04-11 at 11.55.39 AM“I’m a carpenter now, Gizmo”- Craig probably.

Screen Shot 2017-04-11 at 11.55.06 AM“Is my instagram really THAT bad, Gizmo?”- Craig probably.

Before the serious talk, there is a stunning montage of Craig hanging out with Gizmo the cat all day, pulling him in a wagon, hanging out on the bed, and I LOVED IT. Craig is such an angel, and Gizmo is so cute. I love them!

Landon calls T.Rav, and he has an aside about her after speaking horrible French to himself in the mirror.

“She can follow through,”- ok T.Rav that sounds like a sex thing, but OKAY THOMAS.

Landon’s party is at a beautiful bar, but her website party consists of drinking and her business partner clicking through the website on a laptop in the corner…cooool. Her younger side piece shows up, and she tells Cameran that they’re gonna have lots of babies- AWK. Whitney brings a literally CRAZY person with ELBOW LENGTH GLOVES and Mary-Kate and Ashley hair circa 2002 and she’s making fun of everyone’s accent- GOOD CHOICE WHIT.

Screen Shot 2017-04-11 at 12.00.20 PMy i k e s

Cameran and Craig talk, and he tells her about what Shep said about her, and how Cameran nor Whitney want to be his friends anymore, and she says “Well we do have a group chat where we make fun of your instagram.” LOL CAMERAN that sounds like something I would say, u r da best.

“Landon’s got some really good…oral skills”- OK T.RAV THAT WAS DEFINITELY ABOUT SEX OK.

Shep & Landon are talking now- YAS SHEP DRAG HER

(also Landon has a photo of Shep on her website)

Also, my favorite part was someone asked the business partner if Landon had written the articles on the site, and she said “no, I did” LOLLL WHAT DID LANDON DO THEN!?

Cameran, Chelsea, & Shep go out for drinks together.

“There’s kids that aren’t drunk in China, we need to finish this” UGH SHEP.

Cameran then left Chelsea & Shep to finish their huge party drink together, and then whatever else they wanted to do.

That was the end! Another great ep of Southern Charm- I love the setup of the Craig & Shep feud, and the beginning of another Landon & Shep argument, even though she secretly loves him. Also, I love when the true mean girl side of Landon comes out, because she goes to such great lengths to hide it.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

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