CHIN HAIRS & DONUTS- real housewives of oc recap 10/31

SEA-SON-FI-NA-LE!!!

Preg Meg & her v blonde sister & mom doing a GENDER REVEAL! (sidenote: I find gender reveals to be in my upper spectrum of hate, along with kitten heels and transitional lenses.) ((I really don’t care about your baby’s gender enough to take time out of my day to watch you & your baby daddy open a box of pink or blue balloons. TYSM.))

IT’S A GIRL!

No baseball player for Jimmy. Sorry. He remains at his normal expression of -_______-.

But in all fairness, Meghan has gone through a lot with IVF and going through a lot of it while her husband was out of town- she so deserves this baby and I am so happy for her!

Briana is getting renovations in her house/condo/apartment?

Vicki is so so excited that Briana is living so close to her! Briana you better milk your mom for these real estate/renovations/literally anything because she’s still so excited you’re not in Oklahoma anymore!

“We’ve been fighting for 9 years”- Vicki about Tamra.

I can’t with these two.

Cut to the montage of them all getting ready! Vicki is writing Tamra & Shannon an apology letter- this should be good.

I still can’t get over this chin hair jab Kelly made about Shannon. LIKE THAT’S THE BEST THING YOU CAN THINK OF!? I mean, if that’s the worst, I’ll take it.

Tamra’s alleged gay husband celebrates her win with a new pair of Louboutins- not my favorite luxury shoe, but the pair she gets is actually pretty cute.

Heather orders a donut tower of plain glazed donuts, and it immediately fell over LOL who are you ordering this garbage from!?

Vicki is reading her letter to Shannon & Tamra, and says something about “meeting an amazing man who makes her very happy”- cut to the FIRST SHOT EVS OF THIS DUDE. Who is you bro?

Not Brooks, thank god.

I can’t wait for this party aka a montage of Tamra eating donuts!!!!!

Oh shit. Oh shit. Tamra & Vicki.
Vicki: I get it- I walk in & all the bitches scatter.

Tamra & the gang are not down with seeing Vicki or Kelly, which is reasonable but also, Y U INVITE HER?

“Usually people of Jewish descent are sarcastic and they get jokes & are funny..”
OK KELLY. First of all, look who you’re talking to- Heather Dubrow is 100% Heather Dubrow all the time- there’s no real secret hidden facets to her personality, there’s no use in marginalizing her as your stereotypical “funny Jewish person”- also wtf!?

At this point it’s now the plastics (Heather, Shannon, Tamra, & Meghan) vs. the outcasts (Kelly & Vicki). I guess it’s been that way the entire season, but it’s also great seeing this as they are all at the same party.

They are all gifted amazing shirts with what they would get arrested for- and I want all of them. Vicki is in a corner with her new boyfriend, pissed that they aren’t talking to her.

Vicki’s charge: lying.

She immediately starts cackling, but in a crazy serial killer kind of way. This is low-key terrifying!!!!

Kelly: There’s an elephant in the room.
Tamra: Don’t call anyone elephant that means they’re fat!

Ay yi yi.

In the midst of their argument, Vicki tries to cha-cha-slide out of there and Heather, in her lower register, says “don’t move.” D A N G.

SHIT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

Vicki is always unapologetically herself, even if that self is lying, in no way self-aware, and constantly horny. So you gotta give her some credit, right?

As she storms off, Shannon gets her last word in, speaking of her family, how her kids used to call her “Aunt Vicki,” and all she has to say is:

Vicki: I worry about you.

As Vicki still refuses to apologize in person, she strolls off into the sunset alone, without the mystery man she came with.

BRIANA! OUR KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR!
Tamra: I’ll talk to her. For you.

Wait, Vicki is still here? Was she slow motion leaving? Was she lingering outside? Did she go through a drive-thru and come back? I love this.

VICKI IS APOLOGIZING! Kind of.

Tamra: You’re saying David beats Shannon!
Vicki: I worry about Shannon.

WHAT THE FUUUUUCK VICKI! YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR THAT LIE AND NOT JUST SAY “I WORRY ABOUT SHANNON.” Uuuuggggggggh you’re a crazyo!

Vicki: She doesn’t know what I know!
BITCH WHAT DO YOU KNOW!?

UGH GUYS WHAT A SEASON! The common thread amongst every episode was Kelly & Vicki VS. everyone else, and everyone else attempting to find a reason to continue being friends with Vicki after the shitstorm that was last season, but are unable to! After watching that small snippet from the part 1 reunion, Vicki is shown saying “GET OFF MY SHOW!” That’s some real shit right there- RIGHT IN FRONT OF @ANDY TOO!? THAT TAKES SOME BALLS GIRL.

Needless to say, this reunion is going to be fire, plus Vanderpump Rules starts Monday, and RHOBH in December!? I am living my best life right now.

Shannon has been promoted to sit next to Andy- so proud of you girl!

Okay and of course speaking of RHOBH, I had to watch the season preview!

BEV HILLS! ERIKA JANE MY QUEEN! THIS IS A REAL VACATION YAS BITCH FUCK GLAMIS! M Y K O N O S!!! HONG KONG!? BOY GEORGE!? VIDAL SASSOON’S DAUGHTER!? Is that Brandi Glanville rn? Oh god Kim Richards? A snooty fake English person? These new girls seem like assholes. Erika Girardi seems as perfect as ever.

Ugh. I have so many emotions. Plus I saw Bitch Sesh, the best Real Housewives podcast show ever, LIVE last week, so I’m still recovering from seeing Casey Wilson as Erika Jayne, June Diane Raphael as Vicki herself, and Danielle Schneider as a dead ringer for Lisa Rinna- I LIVE! What a time to be alive.

See you next week!
xx

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